In relation to my own pitch I was required to comment on the posts of three other pitches and self-reflect on how effectively these comments contributed to each pitch.
Pitch 1 – Full Frontal Fury by Aimee
Summary – This pitch discusses both sides of the argument in which cartoonish graphics changes how one approaches violence in video games. Specifically focusing on the analysis of Crash Bandicoot and Ratchet & Clank.
You did a really good job at making your pitch video dynamic and energetic through the use of music, images and backgrounds, which made it very enjoyable to watch. It was also concise and straight to the point, which was emphasised through the titles, making your points clear and the centre of our attention. However I would improve this by expanding on each of these points either through speaking or dot-points (although I would encourage the former), as that would make it easier to explain what you were trying to say. This also goes for the clips of the games, as talking a bit about them would enhance your points. I would also recommend in the future to slow down the pacing a little as well as using a more accessible design as I found at times I missed the text as it was either gone too fast, too hard to read, or I got distracted by the music. A lot of this is just aesthetic however, and I really enjoyed the idea for your project itself; I love these games and it’s a really interesting topic.
This was a lot better at explaining what exactly you’re doing for your DA. You also outlined a lot of the criteria needed for this project very well, such as which paratexts you’ll be using and how, the structural aspects of the games and how they affect its violence, and how you’ll be collecting data both of the games themselves and from your audience. All of this was discussed in great detail, the only thing I would suggest is the use of headings so that the reader can navigate the post easier. I think the use of Tumblr is a great idea as it’s easy to use, cost effective, and a great way to acquire an audience.
The only thing I was really confused about in this post is the part about the characteristics of the protagonists as I found it a little irrelevant to what I thought the project was about. However, if you are going to incorporate how these characteristics of these protagonists AFFECT the violence in these games I think that would be a great approach.
I have found a scholarly thesis that discusses how stereotypical masculinity (including violence) is often portrayed in video games and thought it could help if you decide to incorporate that argument into your DA.
‘Masculine Norms’ (Pg. 10-11)
All in all I really love the idea for this DA and look forward to seeing where you take it!
For this comment I suggested how the author could expand on their points as well as tips on how to further effectively communicate their ideas. This was due to some of the difficulty I found in absorbing the information presented at times either due to inaccessibility of design, or compact paragraphs.
I also suggested a more narrow approach to their idea regarding the characteristics of the protagonists of the games they are focusing on, which I believe will further benefit their analysis.
I really loved the use of headings to split up your points; it was very efficient and made it clear what you were talking about throughout. Your use of images was also very useful as it increased the clarity of your points further. I will say however that the amount of information in the pitch was sometimes a little overwhelming and I had trouble sometimes following both what you were saying and what was written on each slide. I understand that this was probably due to the time restraint on the video and you understandably wanted to include as much information as possible, however I think that some of the written information could have been just as effective if it were placed in the blog post rather than the video itself. I also noticed that the description of the video on YouTube is empty and would probably be beneficial to fill with at least a short summary of the project.
I loved your blog post I can’t think of much to improve it other than what I previously mentioned. The structure was very well done with the use of headings and dot-points. The background around the Borderlands copyright incident was very informative and helpful especially as I had no prior knowledge on this. It was very clear exactly what you will be questioning in this DA and I appreciated you setting out a clear timeline on how and when you will approach it. One thing I would like to point out is that I believe you repeated some information a few times and perhaps the pitch would benefit from cutting down some of the repeating points both in your blog and video.
Also since you mentioned that you will be engaging with an audience via twitter and reddit it might be helpful to link or tell your audience where they can find you on these.
This source might also be useful for you as it details the process of Media Relations of the Wii in Canada
But overall this pitch is very informative and detailed and you did a really good job!
Once again in this pitch I suggested ways to make the post less compact and overwhelming with information as this will hopefully encourage future audiences to want to engage more with the DA. The author of this pitch was very thorough with their information, yet at times that resulted in repetition and increase in length which I suggested they cut down on to improve readability. I also suggested they link where they will be communicating with their future audience to hopefully help others contribute.
Finally I included a link that described the process of Media Relations which I believe their project will benefit from learning about.
Pitch 3 – Press Start by isaacpercy
Summary – This pitch discusses nostalgia and the current scope of gaming culture.
When I first checked on here your pitch video wasn’t linked but I’m glad to see it’s up now! I really enjoyed how you described this project as a sort of personal journey to you, it makes it interesting to watch when you seem genuinely interested in the subject matter. There was a line in your pitch where you said you wanted to “explore your experience with games and look at where the games are at now”. I wish you would have expanded on that to further explain what exactly you will be analysing in this DA. The video was also a bit long and unedited and I suggest finding a video-editing program to really make the video essay’s you plan to make smoother. I would also talk more about how you’re going to approach this project, but I really appreciated how you said you will attempt to reach an audience that is interested in this topic as well as take on criticism as you go. Finally I would also suggest filling out your YouTube description a bit more to increase clarity around the meaning of this video.
However I really like how you’re focusing on the nostalgia of games and I too relate to that PS2 start-up feeling.
So you did explain a little more within this post how you will be approaching this project with your use of old consoles and the amount of video essays you will be producing. I think it would be worthwhile however to develop more of an analysis on the exact thing you will be approaching, as well as link useful information that you will be potentially using in your research later on. I also suggest you expand on what exactly the video essays will cover; will they be an analysis on nostalgia? Video game let’s plays? Vlogs? I would definitely love more information on that as you mentioned a few YouTubers and I’m wondering if you are taking inspiration from them. I would also suggest more clarification on whether you will be taking a structural or post-structural approach within your analysis as it seems you want to focus on both the current gaming culture, as well as the impact of nostalgia.
This source might be a good start to your research as it talks about the relationship between media and nostalgia.
I’m also linking this source as it discusses nostalgia directly relating to video games and how that could also be exploited for current commodification.
I did however enjoy this pitch and I think it is a great start and you’re tackling a very interesting and relatable topic!
For this pitch I suggested that clarification and expansion was key. I believe that by further explaining what exactly it is this DA will be analysing, it will majorly benefit. The video was also far too long and unedited so I advised to utilise a video editing program in the future to produce the upcoming video essays in as high quality as possible.
I also suggested that the pitch include more research and links to sources to give the audience more depth to the project. To help with this I linked two scholarly sources that would be a great start in researching nostalgia, which seems to be the prime focus of this DA.
What did you do?
For this assessment I gave advice and suggestions as well as positive feedback to encourage the continuation and progress of three other Digital Artefact pitches.
What did you learn?
I learnt while analysing others posts and projects how I could use this skill to reflect on my own project and thus improve it. I also learnt how to communicate feedback that is both positive and constructive.
What did you get out of the experience?
From this project I also gained a lot of feedback on my own project which was helpful as it came from others experiencing the same process but with a fresh pair of eyes.
How do you plan to improve?
I plan to continue to monitor and contribute to other DA’s as it will benefit not only my own project but also my future feedback to others as part of the second round of comments.